just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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