you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
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Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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