everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
