Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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