ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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