Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
