I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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