Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
