he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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