It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
