NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
