Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
