Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
