I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
only you would photoshop your dick
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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