i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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