My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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