wakey wakey hands off snakey
Welp...herpes.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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