bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
