you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
