I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
