highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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