i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
