Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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