I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
