As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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