R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
