Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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