Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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