I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize