According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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