I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
