I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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