Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
