She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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