I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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