i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
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Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
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I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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