Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
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i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
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I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just wanna be euthanized
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.