The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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