p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
