im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
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I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.