Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.