bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Use "feeling words"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug