Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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