Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize