I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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