I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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