My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
