she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
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Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
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Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
This toilet bowl is my home.
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