his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My penis needs a shock collar
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
