mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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