come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
the liver wants what the liver wants
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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