so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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