Is it because I queefed?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize