fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
