It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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