People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
