my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
