you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you didnt know i had herpes?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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