remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
