So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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